My Letter to God!

Dear Gracious Lord,

I’m on the edges of the adventure. I see you beckoning me into the wilderness where it is wild & untamed. The ground is desolate & jagged. The enemy encamps all around us & you are asking me to go into the middle of the fight.

I envision myself in my little row boat. I just recently watched “The Perfect Storm” again & I envision the waves mounting and cresting stories above my little vessel. I drink salt as my boat is thrown topsy-turvy against the thrashing sea. I envision you walking in this hurricane as if it is a leisure stroll in Central Park on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. I see your outstretched hand & I hear your still small voice saying, “Come!” Did I ask if I could get out of the boat? I don’t recall. I think I must have in the deepest recesses of my tiny heart…I think it must have been screaming for it.

You see my soul had resigned itself that this was it. This was the lot given to me. This was the journey I had. There was drowning & coughing & sputtering. There was blackness & fear & uncertainty. I tried to survive on my own. I tried to survive in the tumultuous waters.

I step out on wobbly knees, like a colt birthed from its Mother. I see your radiant face & am overwhelmed at the majesty of you. I’m overwhelmed that in all the universe you looked down and saw little me & said I want to love her. I want to show her My Kingdom. I want to take her on a journey. I have a compartment of my heart that belongs solely for her.

Then, as is always the case, a huge gigantic wave hits me broadside, knocking me down with the weight of impact. I’m reminded of the sorrow of this life. I’m reminded of the trials – I am consumed! I begin to sink. I sort of like the feeling of giving up. It’s so much easier this way. It makes since to just let go, to lie down and die.

I think,  "no, I should fight. It’s important." I don’t really remember why, only that it is. I ask for your help & you ask me why I doubted? Seriously God, I’m sinking in a raging tumbling sea and you’re asking me why I doubt? Yet, there is your hand…there it is, reaching for me. It pulls me out of the waves & we walk back to the boat together.

Once I’m in the boat you calm the sea. Why do you wait to calm the sea until we are in the boat? Is it because you’re leading now? The waves have calmed & the moon is peeping through the clouds. As we travel there is a firmament of wonder before us. The moon doubles on the glassy sea, creating haunting beautiful light. The stars wink at one another, admiring their beauty in the waters reflection. I’m overwhelmed.

I lay my head back on your lap. You have taken the ores and are humming. I feel rested & re-assured that you are in control once again. I’m unwinding, untangling, letting you take over the pieces of my life I’ve tried to patch with duct tape. It will hurt when you take the tape off, but you will bind the wounds unto healing.

So that adventure thing? Yeah, like cliff diving. Although I think I’ve seen my fill of the water right now. Where do I find it? Where are we going? Will the enemy be strong? Will I live through the battle? Is it in the ordinary? Is it in the extraordinary?

Set me free with your ball and chain. I so want to be bound to you! I so want to trust you in the small and big things. You have proven and proven and proven yourself to me again and again and again. But, like the Israelites, I’m always seeking another miracle to prove to me why I shouldn’t be grumbling…slavery is always such an appetizing alternative to feeling alive.

Let me rest in you even if you do nothing for me ever again.

This is not my story, but yours. Write it upon my heart. Reflect it within my life. Let me lay my own life down. Let me seek you until it hurts. Let me give until I have nothing. I’m so selfish & utterly self-righteous…let me count those things that are important & leave the things that are not.

Give me LIFE!

Sincerely Your Humble Servant,
Melissa