Chapter 6

Chapter 6
Unexpected


By Tuesday I was forced out of the covers and back into real life. I took an extra long time getting ready and by the time I came downstairs Jeremy had left on a job. I was relieved. In fact, everyone had gone out that day. Papa and Mama had gone Christmas shopping, while Roger, Megan, and little Eliza went to visit friends. There was a note on the counter from Mama telling me she hoped I felt better soon and that I had food warming in the oven. I ate heartily and washed the remaining dishes up. I didn’t quite no what to do with myself. My body ached all over and my mind was a constant drip of thoughts. I set to thinking what would work the kinks out of both and decided that the best thing a body could do was to make herself useful. My room had become mussed from the days spent there and so I decided I would give it a good and proper cleaning. I found the large tin bucket on the back porch, filled it with warm soapy water, and headed back up the stairs to make my room sparkle. I stripped the bed, washed the windows, floor, and walls, dusted everything that stood still, put clean sheets back on the bed, and even rearranged some of the smaller furniture. I also discarded old clothes, shoes, hats, and jewelry I no longer wore. I sat in the middle of my floor sparkling as much as the room from the sweat I had worked up. I was quite satisfied with myself, and I indeed felt better. Slowly getting to my feet I grabbed the dirty water that needed to be dumped. Once my task was done I checked my watch and groaned. Not nearly enough time had passed. I was mulling over what I would do next when a knock came to the door that about scared me out of my wits.
I was half expecting Jeremy to be behind the door and I held my breath as I opened it. To my surprise their stood Nate with a basket full of all sorts of goodies. The air I had been holding quickly escaped my lungs and the tension built up in my body relaxed.

“Nate! What a pleasant surprise. Please come in!”

“I don’t be meanin’ to bother you Ms. Cindy but I told your folks I would drop these here purchases they made earlier today over to the house. They said you’d be home and that I should just come on over when it best suited.”

Nate passed the front door and went toward the kitchen with his bundle. I intended to follow him when I caught glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. I was horrified at what a complete mess I was.

“Nate, please excuse me for just a moment. I have spent the better part of the morning cleaning my room and I look a fright. Give me five minutes and I will put on some tea.”

“Well, Ms. Cindy I was thinkin’ you looked mighty fine, don’t go fixin’ up on my account. I would be glad to put these groceries away and put a hot pot on while you freshen up.”

Blushing under the compliment I told him that would be just fine and rushed up to recover some dignity. By the time I had come back downstairs Nate had all the groceries put in their proper place, had set out some ginger cookies, two tea cups, and was just setting the water to boil. I smiled at this gentle man and his care to detail. As the day progressed I felt my sanity slowly coming back and I owed a great deal to this lovely and unexpected visit from Nate. “Thank you Lord for this good man”, I whispered. As soon as I said it, my heart gave a strange flutter. This was the first time I had prayed to God since the accident. I hadn’t even realized I had been crying until Nate looked at me.

“Ms. Cindy I think you better take a sit down. I’m afraid you’ve overworked your body some. I know you haven’t been feelin’ well and I expect you’ve gone and done more than one should when they are first gettin’ back on their feet.”

He proceeded to take me to a dining room chair and got me good and settled. Before he returned to the now whistling teapot he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to me. I sat in that chair and traced the faded initials on the well worn fabric. The clinking of Nate in the kitchen was soft and soothing. He was humming lightly to himself. Who was this man that showed such gentle kindness and care? I felt a strange uncertainty and peace sweep over me as I pondered this thought. My thoughts were soon interrupted as Nate came through the kitchen door tea and cookies in hand.

“Now, Ms. Cindy you are lookin’ a might better. It seems that lovely color has come back into your cheeks. We get some cookies and tea in ya and you will be right as rain.”

The afternoon of tea and cookies and easy flowing conversation with Nate was wonderful, and just what my soul needed. I felt refreshed and found myself humming my own little tune as I cleaned up the dishes. Nate had talked about the store and growing up helping his Grandpa in the early days.

“I learned the character of a man in those days Ms. Cindy. About what it meant to work hard and how to treat others with a kind hand and gentle smile. That if you give your best then you have done your best. My Grandfather was the best person I’ve known. I’m grateful for those times…”

He stopped, tears brimming in his eyes. I grabbed his hand without thinking and placed the handkerchief he gave me back into the palm of it. He held my hand just a little while and stroked it with his thumb. “I be thankin’ ya Ms. Cindy…” was all he managed. We said our goodbyes and I promised I would be in the store soon, before Christmas. He took my hand once more, something I never knew Nate to do, looked deep into my eyes, and wished me well. I had to turn away my face flooding with warmth.
Mama and Papa were the first to return. Mama rejoiced at my returned health and marveled at what a fine job I had done to my room. She kissed me on my forehead and gave me a strong hug. Papa was equally pleased with my accomplishments and commented that it was good to see his little girl getting back to her old self. I did feel good and felt like I had turned a big milestone. I was happy to share it with everyone and was very anxious to talk to Jeremy. Roger, Megan, and Eliza returned for supper and we had wonderful family conversation, something we hadn’t had in quite awhile. Megan shared on how good it was to see old friends and Mama gushed about the festive shopping excursion. I pretended not to notice the side glances given to others in the room when I talked about my afternoon with Nate. My feelings for Jeremy hadn’t changed even though he had hurt me so. I wanted to make things right with him. I cleaned the supper dishes with purpose and nervously watched the ticking clock and wondered when he would return.

With the stroke of 10pm I stubbornly headed to my newly cleaned and arranged room and wrestled with clean sheets and bad dreams. The restlessness turned to weariness and in the wee hours of the morning I slipped into unconsciousness. Even though I had only a few hours of fitful sleep I was up with the sun. I assumed that Jeremy had spent the evening with neighbors and would be arriving for breakfast. I wanted to make sure I was ready for him.

He didn’t. Instead, a letter arrived saying that he had found some work in a neighboring town and wouldn’t be back until the 23rd. He promised to be home before the tree cutting and decorating. My heart fell into my toes as great big tears blurred the words on the small handwritten note. “What have I done,” I thought to myself. “He is staying away because of me. Oh, God please help me. Let Jeremy come back; let me be able to explain. Please, Lord! Please…” Tears flowed easily as I gave my simple prayer to God. I felt as if my insides were being turned outside and I knew I needed a quiet place to think. I told Mama I was going for a walk and bundled up against the cold December day.

Snow crunched under my quick steps as my thoughts fluttered around me like the big white snowflakes falling soft and quiet to the ground. I hugged myself and let my legs lead the way; they seemed to know where I was going better than I did. When they finally came to a stop a knot caught in my throat as I looked up and realized that I had stopped in front of the church. Desperately trying to get my emotions in check I traversed the front steps and tested the door, it was unlocked. The warmth of the church was rich and fragrant and I soon melted out of my coat and gloves and placed them on a hook before entering the quiet sanctuary. The burning candles made shadows dance along stained glass. The pine floor creaked under my wet shoes as I made my way to the front altar. The legs that had brought me with such purpose to the spot gave way from underneath me and I fell to my hands and knees in a great sob. There at that altar God and I worked things through. I promised to leave my bitterness, pain, and anger at His feet, and in turn He wrapped His loving arms around me and comforted His child like only He could. My walk with the Lord changed there on my knees. In that moment I knew that He would always be first in my life. I knew He was there with me all the time, through death there is always new life. He truly works the best out the ashes and a penitent heart. I arose feeling fresh, full, and complete. I spent the walk home looking at the world with new eyes and renewed hope. This Christmas was truly going to be magical.

Chapter 7

Chapter 7
Letting Go

Tuesday December 23, 1953, the day Jeremy was returning home. I had spent the proceeding days helping Mama prepare the pies for the great tree lighting celebration the town held every Christmas Eve, buying gifts for the family, and reading my Bible. Papa and Mama were thrilled when I started attending Sunday services again. I had even agreed to help with the pageant the children would be performing Christmas Eve. I felt so full to overflowing and I was wondering if Jeremy would be able to tell the difference. The past was behind me and I hoped it would be for him as well. I wanted to get on with living and I wanted him to be a part of that living. A shiver ran up my spine at the thought of it. I hummed a Christmas carol as I cut up figs for Mama’s fig and peach pie. I was so deeply enthralled with the moment I didn’t hear the front door open and close, the tapping of shoes to release unwanted snow, or the rustle of someone hanging up their coat. My heart gave a flutter and a scream flew from my mouth, knife and fig falling to the floor. I turned to see Jeremy standing with a quite pleased look on his face.

“All I did was say hello Cindy!”

“Jeremy,” I said breathless. “You scared me about half to death. Gracious, I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“I have light feet,” he interjected as he reached down to retrieve the knife and now useless fig. “You are looking quite well.”

Pleased he noticed I blushed under the complement, “I am feeling quite well.” “It seems while I’ve been away you have gotten your spirit back.” He looked as if he was peering into my soul. My heart fluttered so violently I thought it would flutter right out of my chest.

“Are you hungry? You must be? What was your job? Did they feed you well? Goodness we have so much preparation to do before Christmas Eve? Little Eliza is just beyond herself with excitement over getting the tree tonight. I’m so glad you are back, so very…” My thoughts were cut off with Jeremy’s hearty laugh. “My goodness girl calm down and give a man the chance to catch his breath,” leaning in ever so slightly, “I’m happy to see you too.” Tears glistened behind my eyes and I wrapped my arms around his middle; he returned the affection in an embracing hug.
The rest of the day was full and rich as I settled in my new found faith and the joy of the season. Jeremy and I talked much during the day about the events of the last several weeks, as I shared my story and apologized for my actions I found warmth and forgiveness from this mysterious and wondrous man. My thoughts and hopes soared at the possibilities that lay ahead as I began to prepare my future with Jeremy in mind. The children thrived in their roles in the pageant and I beamed with pride over the thought of what a delicious performance it would be for Christmas Eve. I was humming to myself again while preparing a crust for another one of Mama’s pies when Jeremy startled me once again.

“You have got to quit doing that.”

With a boyish grin he reiterated his question, “You my dear have been on your feet far too much today, I was wondering if the newly revived Cindy might like to get out of this house for a few hours and take a drive with me? Your Papa has given me permission to borrow the car.”

“I would love too; let me go get my coat.”

It wasn’t long before Jeremy and I were chugging along the snowy roads, the relaxed atmosphere between us once again restored. We chatted about the Christmas tree lighting and the pageant, and the job that had kept him away for several days. Contentment and peace filled every part of me and I relished the richness of his husky voice and the sent of his shampoo. We had settled down to an easy hum, a few small words between us breaking the comfortable silence.

“Thank you for restoring our relationship Lord. I am so blessed to know this man.”

I leaned back closed my eyes and snuggled in the warmth of the moment. I did not open them again until the car stopped and Jeremy shut off the engine. Sleepily I stretched and turned my face to his. “Where are we?” I asked with a quiet yawn. His answer left me unsettled. “Do you trust me?” “Of course I trust…” my words caught in my throat as I surveyed the landscape outside the car window. “Oh God, no…please…Jeremy I can’t, I just can’t…no please Lord…take me home, I won’t…no…”

Tears flowed down my cheeks as my body began to shake with the tremble of dread. Jeremy cupped my face and turned it once again towards his own. “Trust me,” was all that he said his eyes aglow with something I had never seen before in my entire life. Strength flooded through him to me and all I managed was a nod from my still cupped head.

The cool air shocked my senses and it took a moment to steady my wobbly knees. Jeremy took my arm, “Lean on me…” I did whole heartily as we traveled down the rickety steps toward Mill’s Pond. The steps were slick with ice, but Jeremy held firm, and as we made our way to the glassy blackness of my past snowflakes began to dust the ground with their magical touch. My heart was beating in my throat; my hands were sweating, and my mouth dry. A blanket of snow hugged the pond as I peered over the edge of the shiny service reflecting the still gapping hole in my heart. The pain was beyond anything I had ever imagined as I once again relived the horrifying night over. My heart was sure to explode from the grief and pain that it felt. I could feel my old defenses rise, the same bitter root of preservation growing inside. “This isn’t fair…”

I hadn’t realized I had even said the words aloud until Jeremy responded, “No Cindy, this isn’t fair, life is bitter and hard, but our good Lord works best this way, He can heal that hole inside, this is the last precious leg of the journey to truly being free.”

Tears blurred my vision as his words cut deep through the core of me shattering the bitter root and flooding my soul with all the emotions I held captive by my own self-righteous anger.

“Will, oh my precious Will…how I loved you. Thank you God for him, thank you for allowing me to know this man…I love you Lord…forgive me. Help me to let go!”

A shutter ran through my limbs and my heart grew very quiet and still. My mind eased and the ache subsided. When I finally regained my composure and sat looking out at the expanse of the landscape joy began to replace sorrow. I was able to see the joy of the moments Will and I had. It was an aroma sweet, soft, and fragrant. I drank deeply.

Jeremy touched my shoulder his words catching in his throat, “It’s time…” Looking into the tear stained face of his I thought I caught a glimpse of something more, a journey long lived, a space that wasn’t filled with time or worry, with no beginning or end. It was both comforting and terrifying. He helped me to rise and the walk and ride home were filled with silence. The engine puffed along the snowy roads, as the snow clouds dissipated and revealed a night sky more brilliant than any I had ever seen. The pain and heartache was left at the bottom of a glistening pond, never to resurface. There was a great big expanse of living out there to be done and I knew God’s divine hand was holding mine. How comforting it was to rest in the shadow of His wings.

Chapter 8

Chapter 8
Nate

A foot of snow glistened like crystal under the sun’s radiant beams. The sky breathed blue, as if to say, ‘look at what this day holds, don’t be wasting it’. I jumped from my bed barely able to contain myself and rushed to get ready for the days festivities. I took the stairs two at a time and gave a little bounce at the bottom. There before me was Jeremy’s satchel all synched up and over his shoulder. His big winter coat snug about his waist, woolen cap and mittens secure in there place. “I left a note… Cindy, please don’t cry, my work here is finished. It is time for me to be moving on. God has restored you; given you back your hope. There are others that need that hope.” He paused for a long moment, walking over wrapping his arm around me and kissing me on the forehead, fighting tears he said, “He is so good…” Looking deep into those eyes, those eyes who had seen and spoken so much, those eyes I would never behold again I managed an, “I understand…” and I did. I really did understand. I understood last night when I looked into that tear stained face that Jeremy would never be mine. He was a mysterious and glorious gift, but not a gift I could keep for myself. “I pray your journey will be filled with His peace, we will all miss you so dearly.” He embraced me tightly in his arms and as quickly as he came into our lives he was gone. Drawing in a deep breath I turned for the kitchen a carol seeping from my lips.

Mama sent me to the Market for the last few things we needed. My heart gave a strange flutter at the thought of seeing Nate again. The day was cold and crisp as I walked the familiar steps to the market door. I remembered the amusing day with Jeremy and sent a prayer of thanks and protection for him. The warmth and smells reached out and pulled me in. Nate was helping Mrs. Mullings pick through the remainder of the Christmas oranges. “My dear boy,” she said in her shrill and precise dialect, “this will never do, you should learn to pick better produce my boy, I know your Grandfather taught you better than that.” Nate held his temper as he explained to the dear old woman, “Mrs. Mullings he did indeed teach me well, and if you hadn’t waited until Christmas Eve to make your decision I am sure you would have found a more suitable selection.” Mrs. Mullings stepped back in shock, “Well, I never…” Dismissing the woman’s tirade Nate calmly stated, “Now if you excuse me Mrs. Mullings I have other customers to attend to.” He straightened, turned, and at the sight of me a smile illuminated his face like the morning sun. It was so rich I returned the favor and smiled back warmly.

“Good mornin’ Ms. Cindy, how are you this fine day?”

“I’m doing quiet well Nate, and yourself? Despite the testy customers.”

“Mrs. Mullings’ bark is far worse than her bite.” Finding this quiet amusing Nate leaned his head back and gave a hearty laugh, something I never heard him do, and the laughter filled the store like sweet music on a summer night. I joined in on the joke and laughter. Mrs. Mullings, feeling sore from not being paid attention to, pushed her way to the front and said, “Nate, my boy, I will take these pitiful things you call oranges and manage somehow to make good use of them.”

“Very well, Mrs. Mullings please let me wrap them up for you.”

“You will excuse me Cindy, feel free to look around and I will be back with you in just a moment.” His eyes twinkled and an amused grin played on the corners of his face. I giggled, “That’s fine…” and spent the next several moments looking through the well picked over merchandise.

Once Mrs. Mullings was well on her way, Nate greeted a few more customers and then made his way back over to me. “That woman is more ornery than a Mama bear protecting her bear cubs.” His eyes danced at his comment. I hadn’t known Nate to be humorous before. There were many things about this man I did not realize. “She does seem to make it a bit difficult to ‘love thy neighbor’,” I responded with a hearty giggle.
“Why, Ms. Cindy it seems that the joy has floated back into that soul of yours, I’m quite pleased to see the color so rich in your cheeks.”

The color in my cheeks deepened and spread over my face at the open and thoughtful comment. “Thank you Nate, and I just have to thank you for that day you came to my house, the good Lord knew what I needed, and it was a dose of your honest and genuine kindness. It is something I will never forget. I am indebted to you.”

Tears crested Nate’s eyes as he took my hands in his, “Cindy…” It was the first time he hadn’t put a ‘Ms’ before my name. The gesture sent warmth through my body and my stomach gave a flip-flop. The softness in his eyes reached out to me and I waited, breath stilled, for him to continue. Instead, he drew in a sigh and said, “Now, Ms. Cindy what can I do for you on this fine and glorious day.” My heart fell at the ‘Ms’ and I fumbled through my coat pocket, “Mama sent me with a list.” Taking the list from my trembling hand he said, “Very well, I will get right on that, would you like it delivered as before.”

“No, I will wait if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, I will get things packed up for you in no time.”

Nate greeted a few more customers as he went to retrieve the items on Mama’s list. He would only pick the best, and watching the methodical and easy way in which he went about his work caused my heart to fall. “Oh, Lord, dear Jesus…he is…well, I just never realized the measure of this man before me. Please, if it is your will, guide our hearts. Help me sort through these unsettling emotions. I thank you Lord.”

In no time Nate had the things on the list safe and secure in a basket, wrapped up and ready to go. We chatted about the Tree Lighting and how the children were progressing. He inquired about Jeremy and when I informed him that Jeremy had decided to move on he stopped in his tracks, “Well I expect that to be mighty hard on you Ms. Cindy.” The ‘Ms’ grated my nerves, “Well, of course it is hard to see him go, but he is a rambler with a pure spirit, we couldn’t keep his goodness from others.” I managed a smile, even though I didn’t feel it and looked deep into Nate’s eyes. There was a twinkle of hope in them that stirred mine to flame and I pushed forward, “Are you planning to attend the Christmas Tree Lighting?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world; after all I have to see how well those little ones do under your care.”

“Well, Ms. Cindy, I guess I’ve got you all set, I’m sure you have many things to do before the festivities this evening?”

Heart falling once again I responded, “Yes! I suppose I do. Thank you Nate I suppose I will see you tonight?” I gathered my things and set to leave. Just as my fingers crested the door Nate stopped me, “Cindy…” I turned looking at his rich and warm face. He walked over to me and placed his hand over the hand that resided on the door frame, the back of his other hand caressed my cheek, “Cindy, would you do me the honor and accompany a meager store keeper to the Christmas Tree Lighting?” Emotions getting the better of me I wrapped my arms around his middle and shouted a jubilant, “I would be delighted!” His laughter warmed the air again filling my soul with its music, he cupped my head in his hand ever so gently and leaned close, “Good, I will see you at six then, we can’t keep those children waiting can we?” “No,” was all I managed as Nate opened the door for me and I walked out into the brilliant sunshine praising the good Lord for answered prayers.

Chapter 9

Chapter 9
Restoration

“Cindy, oh Cindy!” My heart gave way to its emotion when I saw Sally running towards me. It had been so long since I had seen her. She wrapped her warm arms around me in a firm embrace, “How I have missed you my dear friend!”

Tears poured freely from both of us as we blubbered exaltations over the other. “I’m so sorry Sally,” I finally managed. She looked full into my face. “Cindy, I’m sorry too. I know that I haven’t been there for you the way I should. You are so very precious to me”, a sob seeped from her lips. “Let’s start over,” I said. “Oh lets…” she exuded and began to update me on all the comings and goings of those in the town. I chuckled at my dear and precious friend and how little she had changed. How I had missed her! Caleb walked up, Sally and his two children in toe. “Oh my Sally how they have grown”, I said giving little Luke’s cheek a tug. “Are you all ready to play the sheep in the pageant tonight Lukey,” I interjected. He responded with a rolling grin and clapping hands. “I will take that as a yes!” Little Anna, Caleb and Sally’s newest member, sat snuggly in the other crook of Daddy’s already full arms.

“She truly gets more beautiful everyday.”

“We think so,” Caleb exclaimed.

“And how are you Caleb?”

“Very well Cindy, and yourself?”

“Very well in deed.”

“Good to hear,” Caleb shifted his weight and looked lovingly towards his wife, “well I guess I better get Luke where he needs to be and find us a seat.” He leaned forward and kissed her ever so lovingly on the lips. “Save you a spot,” winking mischievously at her. “You better,” she teased as she clasped the back of his neck with her hand. Soon Caleb was headed back towards the make shift stage to manage the duties of a faithful Father.

“You two seem so happy Sally.”

“We truly are,” Sally clutched my arm in hers, “I heard Jeremy left town. I’m sorry to hear that, I had hoped…” “I had too,” saying it all a little to honestly, “But, God works in mysterious ways Sally; you will never guess who I’m here with tonight?” “Who?” Sally asked with jubilant excitement. “Nate Simms,” I responded sheepishly. “Oh, Cindy,” Sally said smile broadening, “I never in a million years thought, but oh Nate is such a fine man.” “I know,” I said thoughtfully.

“Where is he?”

“Helping some of the men with the lighting preparations, he assured me he would be in the audience in plenty of time to see the children’s play.” “Oh, Cindy,” Sally said in a joyful giggle, “all of this is just too glorious.”
……

The still hush exploded in applause as parents, neighbors, and friends stood joyfully to their feet displaying there pleasure of the Christmas pageant the children put on. There were a few missed lines, and wobbly entrances, but all in all I beamed with pride over what my children had accomplished. I sent a loving prayer to the Father that each would be kept safe in His care, and raised under his guiding hand. Ciaos ensued as children and parents sought each other out, with great hugs and pats on the back, people began to disperse to get their last bit of cider or eggnog before the great tree lighting. The rush of the evening left me dizzy with excitement. I was full to overflowing and as the last child found his parents I sat on the edge of the stage tears running from my eyes. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep of the fresh night air, never had I felt more alive. Opening my eyes I saw Nate approaching with two cups and a piece of pie. My heart raced and my hands numbed with nervous anticipation.
“Cindy, I thought you might be a bit hungry after such a successful performance.”
“You really think it went off well?” I searched his face for honesty. His smile broadened and his eyes sought mine, “What you have, my dear, is a gift!” I felt my heart would surely melt from the honesty and intensity I saw behind those loving eyes. “Really,” I whispered. Nate placed the still steaming cups and the homemade pecan pie on the stage and ungloved his right hand. He gently placed it on the side of my cheek and I leaned into the warmth closing my eyes. Caressing my cheek with his thumb he leaned in close, “Really”, he said touching his lips to mine. The kiss melted away all remaining uncertainty, and I knew that Nate and I would be with one another as long as each was alive. Pulling away he placed his gloved hand over mine, still stroking my cheek, he kissed my forehead, “Now, eat up!” I obeyed happily.
……
A shiver, not brought on by the cold, ran up my spine as Nate and I stood close to Sally and her family awaiting the lighting of the large evergreen that sat in the middle of town. The square was humming. Christmas carols were sung and hearts soared. The countdown began…10, 9, 8, 7,6,5,4,3,2,1… “Light that tree!” The mayor said jubilantly. The colors were brilliant as I thrust my hands up in the air with applause, little girl giggles seeping from my lips. Nate watched my child like wonder with fond affection, with more boldness than I had seen he clasped my hands with his; he turned me into him and kissed me full on the lips. Sally and Mama, watching the display, looked at one another and winked. Papa took Mama’s hand in his and placed it to his lips, “Our little girl has come back to us.” “Indeed, Papa, indeed she has!”

Breathless, I blushed under the realization that so many had watched the open affection between Nate and me. I peered once more up at the glorious tree. My eyes suddenly caught a glimpse of a silhouette in the hills above. It was the frame of a man, satchel firm over his shoulder, hat and gloves in their place, outstretched tree limbs against the background giving him the semblance of angel wings. Raising my hand I said, “God bless you and keep you Jeremy.” He responded with a raised hand and then turned toward the great valley and disappeared from my site forever.

Audrey’s tear stained face looked full on Cindy. “Oh, Grandma,” she whispered. Cindy reached out and clasped her Granddaughter’s hand giving it a firm squeeze. Andy snuggled in the other crook of her arm, fast asleep. “Oh Grandma, I miss Grandpa,” Audrey said choked emotion almost overwhelming her words. She remembered him taking her on long drives on back roads, ice cream floats at a little run down shop on the outskirts of town, tickle fights, and abundant laughter from both grandparents. Andy never got to know Grandpa, he left for home before he was born. The bittersweet memories rushed through both Cindy and Audrey’s mind as they remembered the man they both loved and lost. “Your Grandpa was a rare find Audrey, I had more love for that man than I could have ever imagined with Will. He didn’t stop surprising me after that bold kiss; in fact, I learned that my beloved Nate wasn’t shy at all. He simply carried a quiet strength without fear or hesitation, he was completely confident in who he was, a trait that others respected. He made me feel loved and safe. This is what I pray you will find in your helpmate one day Audrey.” Audrey’s body shuddered as she began to regain control of her raging emotions. “So, you never saw Jeremy again Grandma?” The questioned asked under quiet emotion. “No child. I don’t know if he ever married, had children, is alive…when he crested that hillside I knew in my heart he was gone from my life forever. Now, my precious one, you have heard the story in full, I think it is time we get your brother and you snug in bed. Tomorrow your parents will be here and we will have our own Christmas Eve memory to make.

Chapter 10

Chapter 10
Audrey’s Gift

Audrey awoke in the still hours of the night. She couldn’t remember the dream that had awoken her from her slumber or why she had an uneasy feeling that surrounded her restless sleep. She was sitting straight in the bed watching the curtain blow as the warm puffs of the heater caressed the delicate fabric. Her breath caught as she scanned the room catching the sight of a figure standing in the shadows. “Grandma…” her voice trembled with the fear she felt. “No, Audrey it’s not your Grandma,” a man's voice caught the air and Audrey felt swimmy headed. He approached from the lingering shadows and came to sit on the edge of her bed. Audrey recoiled in fear as he placed a strong hand on her covered leg. “I am a friend of your Grandma,” he said his eyes illumining the dark night with something other worldly. How could he be a friend of Grandma? He couldn’t be but in his early 20s, his dark hair, youthful smile, and smooth hands displayed his vitality as sure as the sun display’s the coming dawn. “My name is Jeremy, I knew your Grandma a long time ago,” a mischievous smile crossed his face as he saw how Audrey reacted to his statement. “But…how, I mean you…this is…well, you just can’t be…”

“Audrey, I would like you to come for a walk with me. I’ll wait downstairs, get dressed and come as soon as you can. I want to show you something.” As he spoke he raised his strong body and made his way quietly to the door. He turned before leaving, “Trust me…”

Audrey was left in silence as she tried to wrangle her runaway thoughts. She instinctively raised herself from her bed, straightened the sheets, and sought something warm to wear. She sneaked passed her Grandmother’s bedroom, the top step squeaked under the weight of her foot and she held her breath praying that she had not awoken those still yet sleeping. Making her way to the bottom of the steps she found the stranger dressed with a glowing lantern in hand. He came to her and placed her tiny arm in his. “Shall we,” he implored. She could say nothing, but merely nodded an approval for the journey to begin.

The night air caught her breath and it curled along the wintry night like steam from a slow moving train. As they walked the young man was humming a soft song that Audrey didn’t recognize. Her thoughts continued to run further and further away with her. Why did she trust this crazy man? What would Grandma think? What was she doing, she knew better than this? “Oh God, please help me!” She prayed the prayer silently as they turned from the drive and began to crest the hillside that looked over the town, although a bit larger, that Grandma grew up in.

…..

Cindy awoke with the creak on the floor. She knew someone was up and had a good idea who it might be. She slipped out of her warm covers into her weathered robe and headed towards Andy’s room. To her surprise the little bundle of joy still slept snuggly under the covers Cindy had placed on him. Realizing it must be Audrey, Cindy headed for her room. The bed clothes had been straightened and there was no sign of her granddaughter anywhere. Cindy noticed her winter boots and coat were missing and wondered what the girl was up to. She headed back to her room to get dressed herself, determination etching her concerned brow.

It wasn’t hard to find the tracks in the snow. Her heart gave way to panic as she saw much larger boot prints in the snow next to her small daughters. “Oh God, be with us tonight, be with us please…” She hurried along the path of well made tracks and prayed she wouldn’t be too late. She had only wished she had brought more than a flashlight for a weapon.

…..

Audrey labored under the climb to the top of the hill. She suddenly felt strong arms around her waist as the stranger hoisted her up carrying her the rest of the way to the top. He placed her unsure feet back on the blanket of snow, steadying her with his arm. She waited, and he said nothing. “What are we doing here?” She finally asked under nervous anticipation. “Look,” was all he said. She scanned the darkened landscape in search of the missing puzzle piece that obviously she hadn’t found. The night sky was bursting to overflowing with stars. The moon shown in the distance and trembled on the silent landscape, it was a breathtaking night. Then, in the night sky she caught glimpse of a brilliant and vibrant star. Its light seemed to travel and dance across her face. She took in a deep breath as her heart began to flutter. This was truly a special night. “A God made night,” he whispered into her ear as if reading her thoughts. Audrey looked at the man for the first time since he had awoken her from her sleep. He was bathed in the same light, and his smile was as radiant as the morning sun. He trembled under a memory, “So, different from that night, yet so the same.” “What night?” Audrey interjected, taken up in the man’s serenity.

“His night,” the man said, and then grew very quiet. The silence cut the night sky and Audrey was afraid that he wouldn’t continue. “Audrey, I’m going to tell you a secret, I’ve never told anyone all the years I’ve been about my work.” Audrey held her breath and waited impatiently for him to continue. He chuckled, “Honesty, I don’t know how to say it, it isn’t something I’m used to talking about. You see, many years ago on a night very much like this one a small child came into the world. He came to save all mankind. He was a Righteous King who came to die for His kingdom. I had the distinct pleasure of singing to the shepherds that night with a host of others, heralding his birth…” Audrey swallowed hard, trying to overcome the dryness in her mouth. “Are you trying to say what I think you are trying to say,” she asked with unbelief. “I guess I’m trying to say that I’m an angel of the Most High God.” His face displayed humor under the weight of the words he had just spoken.

“What is your name really?”

“Jeremy,” he said as he lowered one knee so his eyes would be level with hers. “I am who I say I am. I was with your Grandmother when she was going through her crisis of faith, and now I am here for yours.”

“Mine? I don’t have a crisis of faith!”

“Oh, but you do my child. You have lost faith in your journey, in people around you, and most importantly in God.”

Audrey thought long and hard over what Jeremy said. She realized that it was true, that even as her Grandmother had shared the story she had heard so many times before she began to doubt the truth in it, the truth of God’s love and forgiveness, and the truth of decent honest people. Her Mother never believed what Grandma said was true, in fact Mama was cold hard and weathered from a harsh life, much of which she had brought upon herself. She was nothing like Grandma. Audrey realized she was more like her Grandmother than she would ever be her Mother. A dreamer building hope upon hope of a better more rich life, however, as she had grown she felt her heart began to turn to cold stone, a protection from the severity of life. Now, that stone began to melt under the touch of powerful unseen hands and Audrey began to weep under the pain of her burden. “Oh, God, Father forgive me…” her voice quivered in utter desperation. “He has my child that is the beauty in the redemption story of this night, he came to set all men free, if you would but invite him in.” Jeremy held her close and allowed her heart to break. A heart she knew would be restored by letting Jesus in.

Audrey’s sobs stilled under the quietness of the night air. She sat warmly in Jeremy’s arms for a long time as he told her stories of Heaven and his earthly journeys. The night took on a song of its own as his voice carried through the rich darkness. She drank in the moment and praised the Father up above for doing a good work in her. Again, as if reading her thoughts Jeremy spoke, “My beloved He does indeed have a very special plan for your life if you would but follow Him.” Audrey knew that she would, no matter what she would, for the peace and restoration she found in Him was beyond anything she could imagine. The dark night began to turn a lighter shade of purple as the sun began to rise heralding the dawn of new and rich day, with it raised Audrey’s soul and spirits.
…..

Cindy sat staring at the scene before her, tears streaking down her face. She had been so overcome with dread and fear on the journey up here and now at the site of what she saw her wavy legs gave way and she had been sitting on the fresh fallen snow staring, unable to move, unable to speak at the site before her. It simply wasn’t a possibility, her granddaughter in the arms, familiar arms that had once held her so tight. “How could this be,” she questioned with no answer in site. She saw them rise from their resting place beginning the journey home as the sun began to sprinkle the still sleeping town with a new day. Her heart swelled to bursting when she looked full in his face. “Jeremy,” barely realizing she had spoken she raised her self, her legs finding new strength, and began to run to where her Granddaughter and the man were standing. She approached and touched his warm face with her cold hand.

“Jeremy, Jeremy, it is you, how…I don’t understand…how is this possible?”
He touched her face in kind, “I told you to trust me!” They both began to laugh joyfully as he hoisted her in the air swinging her around as he had done in her youth, the laughter pealed through the morning air, cutting through the remaining darkness with a deafening shatter. Audrey joined in and they all embraced warmly. Emotions once again reigned in Cindy said, “Well, Audrey we better get back home before your brother wakes up, I have no idea how to begin to explain this to him.” Audrey nodded as she snuggled under Cindy’s arm. Turning to Jeremy, “Will you walk back with us?”

A large oak was all that faced both Audrey and Cindy; Jeremy had disappeared, leaving Audrey and Cindy to contemplate what had happened and what the future held. They talked all the way home of their shared experiences and hope in God, who loved them more then they could ask or imagine. The day birthed warmth and new life. The joy of laughter could be heard rolling over the hills and dales of the small town, touching angels’ wings and giving them wind to soar.

A group of children of all ages sat bunched near one another breath held, anticipation tangible and rich. Giggles and gasps came from all in attendance as a slender woman with short red curls sat reading a tale of magic and richness before her adoring audience. The applause reached the gates of heaven as people stood to their feet with childlike wonder. Tears glistened in Audrey’s eyes as she grasped hold of Cindy’s warm gaze, her two beautiful children sat snuggly under each arm of their aged Mamaw. Her husband gave her an encouraged two thumbs up and she laughed out loud. She felt a soft tug on the hem of her skirt and peered into glistening pools atop a tiny frame. The little freckle-faced boy stared up at her with big brown eyes, she lowered herself to his level and said, “How can I help you sir?”
“Is this story real,” he asked with unashamed candor. “Yes my child it is,” Audrey said brushing her hand loosely over his hair. A broad grin crossed his face displaying a missing front tooth, “then will you sign my book Mrs. Audrey!”
“I would be delighted to,” the words barely escaping her mouth as tiny hands pushed the book into her hands. The pages where soft and richly colored, on the front was the silhouette of a man encased in angel’s wings, the title read “His Wings”. The book still left Audrey deep in thought of what had happened in her life. She had been richly blessed by the Savior’s touch and shelter. She loosed her mind from her many thoughts and looked back at this inquisitive child, “Who shall I make it out to?”
His eyes danced as he bubbled out, “Jeremy!” Her heart caught at the thoughts that name brought, and as her pen worked her soul gave thanks she had gotten an angel for Christmas.

Somewhere in the Middle

By: Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle,
You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who
You're making me
Somewhere in the middle,
You'll find me
Just how close can I get,
Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle